Navigating the In-Between Spaces of Grief and Loss

The traditional framework of grief often demands a linear progression, a journey from the impact of loss toward a definitive destination called closure.

However, for many survivors of trauma, conflict, and displacement, loss does not come with a neat conclusion. Instead, it places them in what theorists call a liminal space: a permanent waiting room of uncertainty where the past is fractured and the future remains painfully unresolved.

A recent masterclass hosted by STARTTS brought this complex reality to the forefront, offering profound insights into how practitioners and communities can better support individuals living alongside unresolved trauma.

The session brought together academic expertise and deeply moving, culturally grounded clinical insights to challenge the conventional Western binary of grief.

The Architecture of Ambiguous Loss

Opening the discussion, Dr. Sarah Wayland, Professor of Social Work at CQ University, reframed our understanding of grief by exploring the concept of ambiguous loss.

Coined by her research mentor and friend, Emeritus Professor Pauline Boss, the term defines losses that lack verification or finality.

Dr. Wayland explained that this primary form of physical ambiguity occurs when a loved one is physically absent but remains psychologically present. There is no proof of death, yet they are held vividly in the family’s mind.

Moving beyond individual psychology, Dr. Wayland introduced a critical third dimension: collective or community ambiguous loss.

When war, displacement, or persecution fractures an entire society, the loss ripples far beyond the individual to encompass the loss of homeland, culture, and systemic safety, creating a shared communal grief that society often fails to recognise or validate.

For those navigating these long-term uncertainties, the concept of liminality becomes a lived reality. Dr. Wayland cautioned against viewing this in-between space as merely a temporary transition on the way to acceptance, rather a permanent feature of many of their lives.

The clinical and societal failure, she noted, often lies in pushing individuals toward an artificial sense of closure. True support requires practitioners to meet people within that uncertainty, helping them build a meaningful life around the loss rather than demanding they move past it. This requires both-and thinking, which allows a person to simultaneously feel intense gratitude for their current safety while deeply mourning the homeland they left behind.

The Yazidi Lived Experience

Illustrating these complex dynamics in a profound clinical context, Farhan Almito, a Counsellor, and Project Officer at STARTTS, shared a case presentation centred on the Yazidi community.

Sharing a common cultural, linguistic, and religious background with his client, Farhan presented the story of Hevy.

This name means Hope in Kurmanji and was chosen to reflect the enduring spirit of her journey.

Hevy, a 45-year-old mother of five who arrived in Australia in 2025, was abducted by ISIS during the 2014 genocide in Sinjar, an ancient ethno-religious homeland devastated by targeted massacres and mass displacements.

During the captivity and subsequent dangerous escape, two of her children went missing. Over a decade later, their whereabouts and fates remain entirely unknown, locking Hevy into a severe, continuous cycle of physical absence and overwhelming emotional presence.

Farhan used the systemic stressors model to map how Hevy’s trauma was compounded by her environment.

After surviving ten years in a refugee camp, resettling in a regional Australian town brought distinct barriers, including reduced anonymity, transport challenges, and a lack of specialised, trauma-informed services. Her psychological distress manifested heavily in her body, resulting in severe chronic pain, exhaustion, and an overwhelming reliance on twenty-five different daily medications.

Initially, Farhan revealed that traditional cognitive strategies and early exposure to community groups backfired, causing further overwhelm.

The breakthrough in their work did not come from a novel modality, but from slowing down, deeply listening to her physical presentation, and carefully moving toward the loss rather than avoiding it.

Cultural Continuity and Collective Healing

A pivotal element of Hevy’s therapeutic journey was the integration of collective, cultural practices.

In the Yazidi community, trauma and healing are inherently communal experiences, punctuated by public expressions of grief during annual genocide commemorations. Farhan highlighted the powerful role of traditional Yazidi grief music and storytelling. Historically, specific women within Yazidi villages were designated to sing for the mourning community.

When Hevy lacked the words to articulate her profound sorrow or survivor’s guilt, she would reference characters and expressions within these traditional songs to communicate her internal landscape.

Through narrative therapy, they worked to externalise her guilt, allowing space for both grief and hope to exist at the exact same time. Over time, Hevy rebuilt her sense of self-efficacy, eventually attending sessions independently and forging meaningful connections within her new community.

The presentation concluded with a powerful reminder of the practitioner’s role when facing such vast, unresolvable trauma. Reflecting on his own family’s history with missing relatives, Farhan noted that working with ambiguous loss forces the therapist to sit with their own limits and tolerate profound uncertainty.

The session made it clear that our objective is not to rescue survivors from the liminal space or fix the unfixable. Instead, by accurately naming the loss, providing practical and emotional scaffolding alongside one another, and honouring collective cultural frameworks, we can support individuals as they live with dignity, agency, and an enduring sense of hope.

Engaging Directly Through Dialogue

The insights generated by these presentations extended into a dynamic live Q&A panel, which allowed attendees to engage directly with the speakers.

This discussion was moderated by STARTTS Chief Executive Officer and Clinical Psychologist, Jorge Aroche.

The interactive panel provided a critical space for mental health clinicians, social workers, and humanitarian advocates to unpack the practicalities of treating complex grief, allowing participants to explore strategies for holding space for both hope and despair without introducing premature closure.

For those looking to dive deeper into these strategies, a full recording of the session and its panel discussion is available via the STARTTS Ambiguous Loss and Missing Family Members Webinar Page.